In Which Lana Fox Rambles About Butt Plugs and Submitting

The “Corkscrew” from Fucking Sculptures (Gorgeous, ain’t it?)

Today, I had a brief chat with Alison Tyler, author of the smart and steamy Those Girls.  We were on Twitter at the time, and she sent me a tweet saying that she was going to “shamelessly plug” her new call for submissions.  The phrase made me smile, because whether we’re promoting books or selecting anal sex toys, we’re all about shameless plugging here at Go Deeper Press.

This pun got me thinking about sex toys.  See, yours truly is in the throes of choosing vibrators for the Mermaid Voyage gift box, and I want these sex toys to look inviting when they’re snuggled up with the body lotion, natural shells and other erotic goodies.  Aesthetically, I’m thinking more “silver and glistening” than “hot pink with polka dots.”  (There’s a place for hot pink with polka dots of course, but I digress.)

So that got me thinking about Fucking Sculptures — those delectable sex toy designers with (surely) the best possible name.  I mean, there are times when I want my vibrator to be the hot pink of a paddle-blush and there are times when I prefer an “artsier” look — more Salvador Dali, if you get my drift.  Well, Fucking Sculptures have the latter in spades.  Go check ’em out.  They’re fabulous.

And while we’re at it, did you know that our Angela Tavares, queer writer extraordinaire, is on the lookout for sporty queers?  Correction: she’s on the lookout for stories of sporty queers.  Take a look at her submissions guidelines.  And being someone who has submitted — in full furry handcuffs — to Angela Tavares myself, I can say that you won’t be disappointed.

Seriously, she rocks.  Take a look at what is going to be an amazing, hot collection.

Thanks for supporting Go Deeper Press by reading our blog.  If you’d like to browse our erotic, sex-positive e-books for brain and brawn, you can find our website here.

Pearly Cummings (Or Writing Sex Under a Pen Name)

Zoe More, wearing her pen name…

My father was an accountant, back in the day.  (No wait, this does have something to do with sex, I promise).  I used to work for him during the summer break, filing files, and the only interesting part of this job was the names that people had.  Mr. Leaker, the plumber.  Miss Potter, the purveyor of toilets and baths.  The Hatters, who…you guessed it…made quality hats.  Oh, the list went on!

A dear friend once told me that there is a theory about this — it’s called “nominalistic determinism.”  That said, there isn’t much online to suggest that it’s official!

My own name, Lana Fox, is a pen name.  Why did I choose it?  Because it’s a very real name — there are other Lana Foxes around — and it also sounds and feels sexy for me.  Plus our Zoe More, author of Hunger, who also has a story in Femme Fatale, uses a pen name too.  And guess what?  She’s written a fascinating post about the benefits of using a pseudonym.  There are many, in case you wondered, so do take a look!  Also, you can check out Zoe’s dark and sexy writing blog here.

On a crazier note, I was once told that you can “find” your pen name by marrying the name of your first pet with your mother’s pre-marital name.  This, of course, isn’t a great system.  For one, it assumes that you’ve had a pet and a mother you can track down.  What’s more, not every mother changes her name.

Also, would I want to be called Pearly?  Nope.

Anyhoo.  What would your pen name be?  Or if you already have one, why did you choose it?  And how, indeed, does it support your work?

Sex Jokes: The Cream of Crop

Photo: Benny Mazur via Wikimedia Commons

My favourite joke is so terrible that I decided to start this post with a better one.  That’s why I googled.  For a better one, I mean.  And you know what I found?  True pain, my friends.

So here’s my own groaner:

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?  

To keep their nuts dry.

Okay, I give you permission to virtually slap me.  The safe word is “Aargh!”

But seriously, the sex joke plays an important purpose in our society.  It allows us to express sexual energy, which must often be repressed — and such repression can take up so much unconscious power that it can cause health problems, latent stress, tiredness, etc., etc.  What’s more, dirty jokes can serve to keep us away from prudery.  And seeing as we at GDP are selling products that’ll be anything but prudish, we’re invested in the sex joke, groanworthy or not.

In other words, the Squirrel gets it.

Now, Angela and I have been enjoying the cream of our Bishop/Actress contests, one of which asks you to craft a joke or witticism. Some might say that this jokey “tweeting” involves little creativity, but we heartily disagree.  Wit, which many associate with “lower class” humor, is a poorly valued art form, and what a shame that is.  As Feste, the fool in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, reminds us, “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”  And as the homophobic slaughter of queer teens continues (thank you, California, for banning conversion “therapy”), not to mention the slurs and violence against queer and sex-positive communities, surely we need the humble sex joke more than ever.  Because laughter, like good sex, helps us to connect.

So swim, little Squirrel.  Swim!

Some of you have been asking whether you can email your entries for our Bishop/Actress Twitter contest. No problem, as long as you follow the guidelines and include the tag in your 140 characters!  Please use our submissions [at] godeeperpress.com email address.

As the Bishop Said to the Actress: Erotic Contests

Bishop Brennan from the legendary “Father Ted”

Have you ever heard of the British phrase, “as the bishop said to the actress”?  If not, here’s the lowdown.  If someone says, without intending a sex pun, “I’ll give you it as soon as I can…” or “It’s getting harder and harder…” or “Put this in there, would you…” it is customary in circles of pun-obsessed souls to tack on the phrase, “…as the bishop said to the actress.”  Voila!  The reverse phrase is used as well:  “As the actress said to the bishop….”  And there are other alternatives — take a look here to read more.  You can also follow or use the Twitter hashtag we’ve created, #AsTheBishopSaidToTheActress, for more bishop-themed punning, with zero guarantee of taste.  Snort.

So what does this have to do with Go Deeper Press?  Well, we are offering twenty bucks to the best #AsTheBishopSaidToTheActress tweet.  The winning tweet will be published on our blog.  By the way, folks, the hash tag must be used for tweet to qualify.  Deadline: October 20th.  If you prefer to enter by commenting on this blog (rather than on Twitter) that’s great too, but remember that your “tweet” (or rather tweet-like comment) needs to be 140 characters or less, including the hash tag.

Our other contest offers publication of the best erotic stories that contain a bishop and an actress…and, of course, a sex pun.  Warning:  These still have to be hot, intriguing, character-driven stories that are well-written.  These stories can be comical, but we’re after a range of moods.  You can enter stories of between 400 and 1,500 words (See our submission guidelines below).  And because it is quite a feat to create an enticing erotic tale within these limits, we’re offering 100 dollars to the best one.  All stories will be considered for publication by Go Deeper Press.  The deadline for this contest is November 15th.

Hard, but worth it.

Pun intended.

Submission guidelines for story contest:  Please send your stories as a double-spaced, 12 point font, Word attachment.  Email to: submissions [at] godeeperpress.com with “Bishop to the Actress” in the subject line.  If you do this, you will make our editors’ lives so smooth and shiny that we will send positive reiki right towards your manuscript.  (No, really!).  Deadline: November 15th at midnight (US time, EST).