Tag Archives: Sexual Identity

Sexting with Jake

FIRST by Jacob Louder - available 4/4/14! Click image for excerpt.

FIRST by Jacob Louder – available 4/4/14! Click image for excerpt.

Jacob Louder’s literary porn novella, FIRST, launches tomorrow. Jake’s book is a radical porn utopia, and you shouldn’t read it unless you’re comfortable with young folks who are under the “legal age of consent” having powerful and connected sex with one another–sex that helps them to be and discover who they are. (Hats off here to Nabakov, who we pretty much idolize at GDP.) Anyhoo, I asked Jake to send me five texts–or “sexts,” if you will–explaining why he decided to write about kids having sex, in First. Here’s what he sent:

1. I’m continually impressed with kids who can identify who they are as sexual beings at such an early age. Even if they can’t identify who they are just yet, it seems like they’re more open to exploration and less consumed with labels. In First, I romanticized this idea. Everyone does what they want with people who want it, with no thought on the past or present. They all live in the moment. There is no shame. These kids are ideal human beings. If they were real, and if there were more of them–lots, lots more–the world could have the most loving, compassionate future.

2. I think I wrote First for me and for everyone else who came out young-ish in the early 90s. It was a completely different climate, with the HIV/AIDS crisis completely snubbed by the U.S. government, very full “closets” in almost every industry, city, and suburb, and not nearly as much representation in the media as there is today. There was no marriage equality. (I have to note, though, that in almost every way, my generation had it much better than the generations before me. I have to thank the love and fight in every single person, in every single activist, who ensured that my coming out and my young existence as queer wasn’t nearly as fucked up as theirs may have been.) At Nico’s age, I never thought I’d be happy with who I was. I thought that I’d have to figure out how to be heterosexual one way or another. I thought I was the only kid who felt the way I did. I had no role models (until I turned about 17 or so). So, Nico is the boy I wish I had been, living a very different life in a very different climate, and fully recognizing that love can be with anyone, as long as there’s honesty and respect. I’m living a bit vicariously.

3. Kids watch porn. Kids have sex. I’m sorry, Moms and Dads, but they do.

4. I think it was easy to write this young utopia because I see kids as being “romantically unblemished.” This isn’t to say that those of us over the age of 18 can’t live or don’t live like the characters in First. But when I think of wide-eyed openness and trust, I think of young humans, of anyone who hasn’t had their hearts ripped out of their chests, like most of us have, one way or another. It was important for me to have every heart on a sleeve. (Except for the case of Rory and John, but their “relationship” is another slice of life that I find kind of interesting to explore.)

5. I wanted to show young people as smart, grounded, and capable of significant amounts of kindness and intimacy. I wanted to show them as nonjudgmental and open and accepting of everyone and everything, as long as that everyone-and-everything are from places of love. I wanted to show them as better than us.

Thanks a million, Jake. I was so moved by your sexts. And folks, FIRST will be available on Friday 4/4/14. Can’t wait!

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Kevin Killian on the Hot-and-Sweaty Huddle

e5saNlBnIYKVCMfVcKj9wTJQpbYU2w4EUYByW8KGl04So, did we ever tell you what the amazing Kevin Killian told Angela Tavares about her hot collection, Huddle: Sex with Sporty Queers? He said (*clears throat*) “I enjoyed it thoroughly!”

Thoroughly, I tell you!

Kevin Killian, reading your praise made our jock straps kinda sweaty.

Speaking of perspiration, Huddle, if you haven’t heard, is a collection of erotic stories by Dario Dalla Lasta, Benji Bright, Tamsin Flowers, Theophilia St. Claire, and Christopher Stoddard. In this don’t-show-your-grandma-unless-she’s-into-it tome, the sports field gets sweaty, the cloakrooms get even sweatier, and the boy-on-boy bodies, well, they’re the sweatiest yet. I’m proud of Angela’s collection, and the stories by these bold and bitchin’ authors, because they’re not afraid to enjoy sex to the full — and feel it honestly and hotly on the page.

Wanna see some of Dario Dalla Lasta’s story, “Game Set Match”? Click here.

Now, I told you that to tell you this: GDP author Jacob Louder is currently completing his final draft of a novella called First. First isn’t your usual erotica. And if you get upset about Nabakov’s Lolita, stop reading now. Because First follows the hot exploits of Nico Ericsson, a 14-year old queer with a passion for teens of all genders, including Robbie and his acceptance of his genderqueer identity, Hannah with her incredible — oh God — incredible mouth, and a whole lot of others.

Because teenagers have sex. And we all know it. What’s more, powerful authors, like Dennis Cooper for instance, show us this, time and again. And teen sex is not only some of the hottest sex possible — it is also the sex where we’re often finding ourselves, accepting ourselves, challenging ourselves, expressing ourselves. Whether solo or partnered, teen sex is the place where our sexual bodies are born, where we are told we are shameful but explore it all anyway, where our inner heroes are born and raised, where many of us give the finger to what we’re told to be.

Yes, teenagers have sex. With themselves, with teens, and sometimes with adults. And as an anti-censorship publisher who is fed up of being told we can’t write about certain kinds of humanity, we couldn’t be more excited about Jacob’s First.

Now, Jacob won’t tell you this, but I can: It’s beautiful. And hot. And it’s told from the heart and loins.

Watch this space for your free sample, coming soon. YES!

Buy Huddle on Amazon

Buy Huddle on B&N

Buy Huddle from GDP

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Just Because You’re Homophobic Doesn’t Mean I’m Having Sex

Photo from http://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/pix/sdz3/Bonobo2.html

A bonobo that is *not* having sex. Photo: http://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/pix/sdz3/Bonobo2.html

The word “activist” is a useful one.  I tell people that I’m a “sexuality activist” to let them know that I view sexuality as vital.  “Anti-gay activists” use this, their own term, to show people how important they think getting rid of gay sex is.  But of course, there is another difference at work here.  When listening to the anti-gay activist, it often becomes clear that being gay is all about sex for them.  For the sexuality activist, being gay can be about sex, but it certainly doesn’t have to be.

Because another very useful term is “sexuality.”

You don’t have to be having sex to have a sexuality (or a way of thinking, feeling and identifying sexually).  You can be gay and never have gay sex. You can be gay and never have sex at all.  You can be gay and hate sex.  You can be gay and be in a heterosexual relationship.

When a certain person in my life told me that being gay was “unnatural,” I asked her to explain.  She immediately started talking about sex, and how gay sex was immoral.  “Animals don’t have gay sex,” she said (which, of course, is a total lie.  If you haven’t done so before, just google “gay animals” to see how wrong her notion is!).

One of my responses was to ask her, “Why do you automatically think that being gay is about sex?”  And I added, being somewhat passive-agressive, I’m afraid, “It’s not like everything is about sex, you know.”

I knew that would piss her off.  And I was right.

The difference between sex and sexuality or sexual identity is striking.  Naturally, the way you feel isn’t always the way you act or choose to act.  In the UK, if you’re a gay bishop, you have to be celibate.  You’re still gay.  Now I’m against people having to be celibate.  But I’m also against people having to have sex.

It’s time that we stopped assuming that saying, “I’m gay” is the equivalent of saying, “I’m having gay sex.”  Because unless we do, we limit people.  After all, sex is only going to be wonderful if we actually choose it.  And whether, or how, or when we choose it is nobody’s business but our own.

Thanks for supporting our sex-positive erotic press.  To buy our anthology As the Bishop Said to the Actress at the sale price of just 99 cents, you can visit our online store before February 17th.  What’s more, Alison Tyler’s Those Girls is also available at an amazing knock-down price.

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Reasons We’re All About Sex, No. 1: Susie Bright

imgresYes, today, during our launch, we’re all about the gratitude!  Thanks so much to all those who’ve been buying from us and cheering for us on this special day.

Throughout the day, we’re going to be posting gratitude notes, thanking the people in this world who made us sex-positive.  After all, without them, we would not exist!

So let’s hear it for Susie Bright who liberated me a long time ago, with her sex-positivity, pride, intelligence and laughter.  She brings us the best-ever podcast about sexual politics on a week-by-week basis, and if you haven’t listened to it, I recommend you do.  Also, take a peek at this, from “Full Exposure: Opening Up to Your Sexual Creativity and Erotic Expression,” which, in my humble opinion, is one of the most beautifully written, sex-positive books in the world:

“There is no such thing as a person without an erotic story. I don’t mean a tall tale or a punch line or a story about the one who got away. I’m talking about a personal erotic identity, what you might call a sexual philosophy. It’s the big “What If?” of our sexual lives. 

Take a look at your own erotic story, and you’ll see that it’s a motion picture of everything about you that is creative: the risks you’d be willing to take, the weightless depth of your imagination, your attraction to the truth, and the things that would make you go blind.”  

See?  Stunning.  Thank you so much, Susie.

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Why Do Women Love Gay Male Erotica?

I loved Angela’s post yesterday about Barbara Carrellas’s sexuality/spirituality workshop.  In fact, she reminded me of the sheer amounts of women who read and enjoy gay male erotica.  (Check out articles and discussions on this, if you’re interested).  In fact, there are whole presses who claim that their gay male erotica regularly sells to female readers.  It seems that the same goes for gay male porn.  And then we have the common notion, as Angela reminded us below, that it is common for heterosexual men to be aroused by women having sex with women.  So what does all this suggest about sexual desire?

As an erotic writer and erotic writing instructor, I have my own theory:  Desire is hot.  Period.

This is why I often ask my writing students whether they’re writing from inside their characters, regardless of what their sexual or gender identity might be.  A talented erotic writer will enter a character’s sexuality so fully that they feel their sheer longing.  And then, such writers can get turned on by their character’s desires — their vulnerability, sensations, power, compulsions…  It’s the same if you’re writing non-erotic fiction. When a good writer is creating a character who longs to become a lawyer, the writer doesn’t have to long to be a lawyer in real life.  But they do have to tap their character’s desire.  Empathy is key.

That’s why, in my erotic writing seminars, the first task demonstrates that desire is what makes a scene hot.  To hell with body parts!  This is about feeling compelled, smitten, thrust into a mindset we can barely control.  That is what makes a scene hot.  That is what makes a scene human.

I come across a lot of erotica that focuses more on body parts and inner sensations than it does on actual desire.  And I never find it as hot.  Besides, if there isn’t a story behind the erotic scene, with high stakes, crushing needs, and characters that feel real, how will we ever buy the sexiness?

Sure, you can read Nabakov’s Lolita just for the sex scenes.  But why on earth would you want to?  You, hopefully, are not the sort of person who would seduce a real-life underage girl…yet Humbert Humbert’s longing is compelling, and the reader, if they are brave enough, can connect to his longing.

So if you find a writer (or filmmaker, or actor, or artist etc.) who has the guts to enter their character’s longing so deeply that you, as a reader, feel it too, please get them to send us their work!

Because baby, we want the real thing.


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