Titania’s Secret: A Twisted Shakespeare Rewrite, For Your Eyes Only

By Cris.real293 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

By Cris.real293 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 via Wikimedia Commons

This rewrite of the story from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, in which the Queen of Fairies falls for a man with a donkey’s head, contains a forbidden surprise.  The piece first appeared at the wonderful Night Train Magazine and was written by yours truly.  (Also, check out the upcoming writing course on forbidden fairy tales at Grub Street, Boston, next Saturday.)  Enjoy!


Titania’s Secret                                                                                                 

 Truth be told, I still yearn for the ass.

Don’t misunderstand me, I would not have been unfaithful – had I known I’d been enchanted, I’d have stopped the spell.  And yes, the Queen of Fairies shouldn’t dote on a beast, but how was I to help it, in the end?  That wiry mane, those dark, wet eyes… and though beforehand I’d have loathed his smell, at the time it was sweet as summer hay.  Even his laugh was a poem – hee-haw…hee-haw…hee-haw!  The magic had only misshapen his head, but I sensed the beast elsewhere: it heaved within his tunic, sinewy and strong, as if he could lift anything, pull anything, for days (and suffice it to say, at the risk of being unseemly, his more manly parts were also built to suit!).

Before my husband duped me, we fought on a mountain making lightning crack the air.  Our quarrels – and there’d been many – made the poor earth suffer: the rivers flooded, pears rotted on the bough, oxen died in droves.  But still we clashed about the boy and what could I do?  I’d made a fairy promise.  His mother had died in childbirth, and I, who can break moonlight from a terracotta urn, could do nothing to bring her back to life; even at her final breath, I could see us eating mangoes on a Goan beach, where I’d cupped her belly and blessed her unborn child: she was dressed in emerald silk, her laugh smelt sweet and the white sands sighed beneath our soles.

Afterwards, my fairy-charges kept the child; played lullabies on grass-pipes, crowned him in daisies, made frogs belch bubbles from the lake; and I saw him clap his hands as they kissed his dimpled cheeks.  But my Oberon thought I’d just give him the boy because he was my lord and wanted – what? – a toy?  Well, I would not let him, and so he grew cruel and I forsook his bed.

Then came the night I woke to the moon and a most becoming song.  I rose, without thinking, and followed the voice.  It was a stranger by the elder trees, his ass-ears tipped with moonshine, singing at the sky, eyes half-shut.  At once, the scent of magic filled my head, but I thought it was this demi-god that tricked my senses so.  I fell to my knees, as a queen never should, told him I loved him, begged him to be kind.  He looked at me and spoke the humblest words:  “Mistress, there’s no reason for you to fall for me, but I understand completely!  Love and reason are not friends.”  I laughed for it was true – he was wise and divine – and I led him to my bower and bade him sit.  I called upon the forest to wind about him: the thornless rose caressed him, ivy lounged against his chest.  My charges filled the air, swift on silvered wings, as I sent them to the Orient, to Egypt and Rome, and they returned with purple figs and sweet, dark berries, which I fed him from my fingers, kneeling in his lap.  Once we were alone, I raised my skirts, and we made love in idleness, his beast-scent in my head: I rose and fell, light as glass, and crushed the flowers we’d decked him with between my fists. 

He brayed.  I kissed his neck.

I forgot to ask his name.

Oberon woke me at dawn, his thumbs on my eyelids.  I roused myself and looked at him; I felt he’d taken something.  His smile was half-cocked, there was triumph on his face.  “Look, my love,” he whispered and gestured to my side.  I stared, open-mouthed, as I saw the sleeping ass, and my mind raced beyond my breaking heart: I knew I had to play the part, or Oberon would quit me (no queen can be enamoured of a beast).  I fell into my husband’s arms, as if I was afraid, and, as he held me, I looked for the boy; I’d forgotten the mite – this was my sin – and I knew he was the reason I’d been duped.  “Where…?” I began, but my husband grabbed my face. 

“Do not fret, Titania.  The child’s where he belongs.” 

I hid my soul’s earthquake behind a mask of wax, bowed and said, “Yes, my lord,” for I knew the boy was taken and could not be mine, unless I used slyness and stealth.  I glimpsed my lover, found his ass-head gone.  He was human now.  I laughed to keep from crying. 

“Just a dream,” soothed my lord, stroking my hair.

What a fool to think a dream could mean so little!

Now his followers have the child, they’ll make him hunt and skin.  I can’t abide it!  This was not his mother’s wish.  From the elder trees, I glimpse him with his toy spear, and plan to break him free.  For I swore I’d protect him and I won’t forget, and my lord’s guard is lowering – he thinks I’m no threat.  He doesn’t know he wounded me, for how can I trust him?  The man who made me fall in love, then woke me up again?  Granted, he still charms me, makes moths dance round my head, claps fireflies from the darkness and makes them spell my name – and yes, I like to lie with him, to feel his hands upon me, and make the soft rain fall with him or hear him speak of need – but at nights, while he sleeps, I turn towards the dark and ache when his snoring sounds like braying.  And often, when I wake, I find him watching and know I’ve been murmuring, dreaming of the ass, and he kisses me fiercely as if to scold us both: for though it was my lover who wore the donkey’s ears, it was my husband made a cuckold of himself.

Are you after some sizzling fairy tale action?  Why not…

Look up my Forbidden Fairy Tales Writing Course in Boston on Saturday June 29th!

Go buy Femme Fatale: Erotic Tales of Dangerous Women or Alison Tyler’s sexy Those Girls for more forbidden fiction…this time, with a much hotter core.

Go rock those hips at the Donkey Show in Boston!

Go sign up for the first ever online mermaid-themed self-love spa, and love your erotic self, romantically, sensually, emotionally, bodily!


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6 thoughts on “Titania’s Secret: A Twisted Shakespeare Rewrite, For Your Eyes Only

  1. Love it all, Lana. I particularly loved today’s tips for erotic self love that floated their way into my inbox this morning. I was apparently in such an afterglow post reading that I wasn’t able to figure out how to comment on that post specifically. Looking forward to the Mermaid Voyage setting sail. ❤

    • oh, and *of couse* this Shakespeare re-write is just gorgeous. In love! Thanks for sharing.

    • Lana Fox says:

      Dear Lindsey! What lovely comments to receive! Thanks a million for your encouragement, passion and light. Do *you* have a mailing list for your yoga and other classes, Lindsey? If so, I’d like to go on it. I know that your classes must be filled with gorgeous energy. And yes, I’m looking forward to the Mermaid Voyage too — exciting! Thanks again. ❤

      • Hello, Lana! You are so kind to inquire about my classes. As of right now, I don’t have a mailing list because my yoga&writing workshops are on a bit of a hiatus while I continue to work on what seems to be the best venue, how to gather people and how best to promote. I would, however, *love* to have you in a workshop or class sometime! In the meantime, my weekly teaching schedule can be found here on my blog: http://thelindseyoneill.com/group-yoga-classes/ and I would so love to have you stop by sometime! xoxo

      • Lana Fox says:

        Awesome, Lindsey! I’m going there right now to check out your current classes. Thanks for letting me know. Love and light to you!

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