The Dark Knight Rises XXX: A Review

For me, it was Cat Woman. Cat Woman bent low on a barrel, her perfect ass up in the air, that sold me the minute I heard about this film. I did not know Aiden Ashley’s name before then. I will forever know her name now.

And Cat Woman was the star of the show, one of the only actresses that looked like she was at least trying to make a connection with her co-stars, scene after scene. She looked like she wanted to fuck, that she liked to fuck, and that’s all it takes to keep my attention. But I had forgotten something about most of the Vivid videos I’ve seen in my lifetime: It’s porn in a big-budget, beautiful way, but the sex can be disconnected, predictable, and wow—how did I forget that cock focus?

And The Dark Knight Rises XXX was all those things. The costumes were outrageously beautiful, for both the men and women, and that was part of the sale for me. That, and the promised choreographed fight scene (it was short, but it was done well enough). Unfortunately, such elaborate costuming sacrificed an important part of porn, at least in the eyes of this porn viewer: women’s tits. Really. Women’s tits were few and far between, and how unfortunate. I thought this was a given? Recipe for slick, heterosexual porn: tits, cunt, cock.  Oh, I speak no truths!

The opening scene with the Joker and Batgirl took place on an intriguing set: a little punk rock, a little Joker madness, and even a cage in a corner that kept Batgirl’s dad hostage while she was taunted by the Joker. There was a great promise for this scene. The Joker would fuck Batgirl to keep his goons from killing her dad. Batgirl gave half-consent, but she would say things to him, things that could have been really sexy, like, “Oh, I hate you. You’re disgusting!” and “Just finish already!” She did this, though, without a tense muscle in her body, without an ounce of rage, no fighter’s stance. And she could have put up a good fight here, really make the Joker work for her pussy, but she didn’t. Even the words she spoke sounded lifeless, like her body, which was bent and contorted at the Joker’s every whim.

The best scene was between Batman and Cat Woman, in Batman’s cabin. Looks like he has a really nice cabin, and good for him. Cat Woman shows up, things get steamy in front of the fire. Cat Woman gives good head, lots of eye contact. Love this eye contact. She doesn’t seem turned off by his sizeable, veiny cock. Oh, I forgot about spit. Spit and drool were seriously in abundance. I like the occasional string from, let’s say, mouth to tit or mouth to mouth, but this was a significant amount of thick, gluey drool. But when Cat Woman decides Batman’s cock needs to go other places than her mouth, she joins him on the sofa and things, albeit in extremely short clips, get connected. There is eye contact. There are quick kisses. There is moaning against lips and cheeks, faces pressed against faces. It looked like sex anyone could identify with.

Do people not find this insanely sexy? Let’s say, sexier than long scenes featuring one angle of a woman giving head on her knees to a bodiless cock? I don’t need emotion and tenderness to turn me , and I don’t mean to imply that this was what was presented. If Batman had slapped Cat Woman across the face, or vice versa, it would have been just as effective for me: one actor acknowledging the existence of the other. I mean, other than her hole. Other that his dick. I’m here, I’m fucking you, let’s make money. This simple connection would have escalated the heat in many of the other scenes, but it was hard to find.

A.T.

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